If, Then: A Novel by Kate Hope Day

Author:Kate Hope Day [Day, Kate Hope]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction, Literary, Visionary & Metaphysical, Science Fiction, Apocalyptic & Post-Apocalyptic
ISBN: 9780525511236
Google: 55BgDwAAQBAJ
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2019-03-11T23:00:00+00:00

* * *

—

Cass waits at the bus stop a few blocks from the cul-de-sac. The fog has cleared. The mountain is a dark green shadow, its jagged peak hovering on the horizon. Leah snuggles against her in the wrap, with Cass’s jacket over it. This morning she developed a sudden dislike of her car seat, and screeched when Cass tried to strap her in. So they take the bus to the hospital. Cass chooses a seat near the driver, and they watch trees and houses and cars pass by. The hanging flower baskets downtown are full of asters now, instead of marigolds; and pumpkins, shiny with rain, sit on people’s front porches. By the time they get there Leah has fallen deeply asleep, her warm cheek pressed against Cass’s chest and her hand curled on top of her breast.

Cass gets off the bus and pauses just inside the hospital’s sliding glass doors. She hasn’t been back here since she had Leah. She and Amar stood in this same spot the morning after her birth. A nurse had helped them strap the baby into her car seat, and they took the elevator from Labor and Delivery to the lobby, looking at each other nervously the whole ride. It didn’t feel right, taking this new human being out into the world. Leah was so little, her pink face dwarfed by the padding in her car seat. She still had hospital bracelets on her tiny wrists. They hesitated in the doorway. The sun was shining and Cass blinked in its light. The cool air felt strange against her hands and her face, like her skin was brand new.

Cass moves through the lobby and her sneakers squeak on the waxed floors. She finds the elevator. The fifth-floor hallway is bright with fluorescent light. Leah sleeps on in the wrap.

She knocks when she gets to Robby’s room, and two men stand up from chairs in front of the hospital bed. His sons. She’s only seen pictures. They are tall, like Robby. They have his broad shoulders and thick hair.

“Hi.” She hugs Leah close in the wrap. The room is small, with one narrow window and a blue curtain half-closed around the bed. “I’m Cass. I’m here to see Robby.”

“It’s only supposed to be family—”

“Greg, this is Cass. Remember?”

“Right.” Greg frowns. “Brilliant Cass.”

The other man reaches out to shake her hand. “I’m Ben.”

Greg extends his hand too, although his face is reluctant.

“I can’t believe I’ve never met either of you,” she says, and immediately knows this is the wrong thing to say.

“He talks about you a lot,” she adds, quickly, even though this isn’t really true. “And your mom—”

“He’s really sick,” Greg interrupts. “He’s not speaking.”

“He’s doing much better than he was,” Ben says. “They’re going to move him out of the ICU today.”

“Maybe,” Greg says.

“Come in,” Ben says. “Hopefully he’ll wake up.”

Ben and Greg go to the cafeteria and Cass sits next to the bed. It’s strange to see Robby this way, pale and prostrate, eyes closed.

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